HowTo Professionally Play Well With Others

Ep 19 TheMaryJaneStyle from TheMaryJaneStyle on Vimeo.


Manners are made up of trivialities of deportment which can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them; manner is personality—the outward manifestation of one’s innate character and attitude toward life…. Etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners.

Certainly what one is, is of far greater importance than what one appears to be. -Emily Post

! Tips and tricks ”
Initiating Contact
1. Try to have a mutual acquaintance introduce you; builds your credibility
2. Aim for an in-person conversation rather than email exchange
3. In-person is most intimate, phone is moderate, and email is least personal
4. Seek to build a two-way relationship, rather than just ask for things

Email, voicemail, thank you notes
1. Keep emails brief; bullets are great for busy professionals; limit formatting since many professionals read emails on Blackberries (which destroys formatting)
2. Proof-read messages; spelling errors are a bad first impression
3. Be sure your contact information is included in every message
4. In voicemail, state your name clearly, reason for calling, what you would like the recipient to do, and how the action with benefit both parties
5. Send thank you notes with in 48 hours; write neatly on simple stationary, refer to specifics – an idea, conversation, or gift

Networking basics
1. Shake hands firmly; introduce yourself to most senior person in a group
2. Wear nametags on the right (when you extend to shake with right hand, it’s natural to look at the right side of their body.)
3. Introduce your acquaintances with thoughtful details
4. In conversation, listen more than speak; remember and use the speaker’s name
5. Focus on conversation; avoid wandering eyes or looking at guests or cell phone
6. Make a crisp but polite conclusion: “It has been a pleasure speaking with you.”
1. Always show up on time, minimize distractions (computers, Blackberries)
2. Prepare materials beforehand 3. When leading a meeting: distribute an agenda, balance airtime (let everyone participate), conclude with clear to-dos and deadlines

Public address introductions
1. Never “wing” an introduction; request a biography of the speaker before hand. Good delivery of introduction is the best way to demonstrate your respect and appreciation.
2. If you tailor the introduction, review it with the speaker
3. Avoid humor, unless you are a) funny, b) situation calls for it, c) all will be comfortable
4. Avoid modesty; you are the speaker’s best chance to build credibility while maintaining humility. Share all the relevant accomplishments; make the audience want to listen!

Senior Presence
What is senior presence?
1. Some people in a room appear to be senior: they are mature, professional, responsible, authoritative (you can just tell they’re important)
2. Easy to identify by subtle signs
3. People who appear senior get more opportunities
4. Young professionals can learn to appear senior

Tips for senior presence
1. Appearance: Dress like the most senior person you regularly see, maintain good posture, smile easily, but not too often
2. Persona: Observe proper etiquette, maintain eye contact, don’t be afraid to disagree (confront difficult questions directly), and appear calm and controlled. Poise and maturity are displayed by not following the crowd meekly; share your idea if it’s contrary.
3. When speaking: Be clear and concise, avoid fillers (um, like), set the context for audience, use analogies and analysis, prepare a speech beforehand

Now HowTo NOT…
Snapshot 4 (3-19-2014 2-40 AM)

1. Pushing in front of people
This indicates that you think your time is more important than other people. This is ultimately important in a live event ,show, or a public photo situation Don’t Block or Pull Focus This also counts on the road, on pavements, at the supermarket and in lines at the checkout. Letting others go ahead of you makes them feel special and that you are a person who cares. It’s such a little courtesy to extend to someone, and yet in today’s’ culture we are often made to feel that if we don’t trample over others, we’ll never get ahead. This is simply not true. Letting someone go ahead of you is a free way to make yourself feel great. Give it a try. Your heart will glow.

2. Being impatient
When things take longer than expected, some get angry. Sometimes we just have to wait for things to go our way, and sometimes the things we are waiting for never arrive. Never Rush a planned performance or talk down to cast members. some find this very hard to do, but when you are getting impatient, it pays to breathe deeply, relax your shoulders and concentrate on the internal emotions you are feeling inside, and try to let them wash over you like a wave, without reacting to your emotions in a negative way.

3. Talking too loudly
when others are speaking or on public transport, at cafes. in the office and I like it drives people nuts. I have a loud, clear voice that can be heard even when I am not yelling. I need to make more of an effort to respect the space of those in my general vicinity. No one wants to hear everything I have to say, despite the fact that I find myself so interesting.

4. Forgetting to say please and thank you
this piece of etiquette advice, can be forgiven every now and then, forgetting to say please and thank you. It’s one of the first things ever taught. In some situations a power play of the one in control never has to say please and thank you to remain in charge (these people have serious issues CAUTION)

5. Talking endlessly about yourself
Yes, we all need to share sometimes, but there comes a point where we have to say ‘enough is enough’. I like to talk about myself, in fact, we all do. However, it should be the other people in the room that you are trying to get to know. So shut up for once.

6. Not listening to other people
You know the friend whose eyes glaze over whenever the conversation drifts off them? These are the worst types of people to know. One of the most valuable things you can do for people is to LISTEN to them! This is more valuable than anything else, don’t you think?

7. Interrupting
Sometimes people think they just can’t seem to wait to get the point across they will talk fast in longwinded story’s hard to follow and rambling to say “LOOK AT ME” this is a good time to interrupt – I just have to interrupt what you are saying to talk over the top of you. This is simply rude and can be avoided –share a conversation is only good if everyone is sharing in a nice flow it might take practice but it shows respect friendship and that your intelligent!


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